Itinerary:
Fly into the LAX airport on Thursday morning. Drive over to Joshua Tree National Park. A 6 pm orientation with a meet and greet at the campsite. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday we would get up early, eat breakfast, pack a lunch, and go climbing until about 4 in the afternoon. We would come back for a 5 pm sunset yoga, have dinner, go to bed, and do it again.
Our Adventure:
I had been climbing for almost a year when I decided I really wanted to do an outdoor climbing trip. The problem was that it is not as easy as you think to transition from indoor climbing to outdoors. I did not know how to set up the ropes, find the routes, or where to even begin. That is when I found the She Moves Mountains program, a three-day guided climbing and yoga retreat in Joshua Tree National Park. I immediately called my go-to adventure buddy Maddie, it took no persuasion whatsoever. Within the hour we had our spots reserved and our flights booked. We were going to California.
I had first learned about the She Moves Mountains program through the podcast She Makes Money Moves. Yes, I do love things with an emphasis on female. Lizzy VanPatten, the woman who founded the program, was an outdoors enthusiast who wanted to help more women get into the outdoors. The purpose of these retreats is to create a safe and comfortable way for women to get started in the outdoors, a typically male-dominated space. She quit her full-time job and committed herself to her passion project, and it was a success. There are now a number of different hiking and climbing retreats all across the country that women can partake inb and even a few international ones.
Maddie had no climbing experience prior to coming on this trip but was a well-practiced yogi. I was the reverse. Nonetheless, we were both equally as excited for both aspects of the trip. Mostly I was excited about meeting a group of kick-ass women who shared my passion for the outdoors.
Our flights landed in LAX early Pacific time, but we had been traveling since 5 am Eastern time. We were physically tired but mentally energized. We had a little bit of a mix-up with our rental car service which set us back a few hours. We didn’t think that would be a big deal, we had hours before orientation and Joshua Tree is only a few hundred miles from LA. What we didn’t realize is that this meant we would be hitting LA traffic at rush hour heading out of town on a long weekend. What was originally only a two-and-a-half-hour drive turned into five. We did not pull into our campsite until almost 10 pm. We had missed orientation, but more detrimental, we had been up for 20-plus straight hours.
Although it would have been nice to start the trip well-rested and with the full briefing, we were not going to let this hiccup be our downfall. I set up our tent as quickly as possible, while Maddie got fitted for her climbing gear. When we came into camp it was dark, which made waking up to the new desert environment and the Joshua trees all the more exciting that next morning. We gathered around a picnic table making instant coffee and eating bagels. We huddled in our hats and winter coats as we introduced ourselves and made small talk with some of the other women. Everyone was from different parts of the world, in different phases of their lives, all brought together by one thing, their love for the outdoors.
After breakfast, we quickly broke off into groups based on experience, jumped into cars, and headed for the park. In my group I had four friends who had been adventuring together for years. They shared stories of summiting Mount Rainer and climbing in Moab. They were pretty fricken cool. I asked question after question wanting to know everything about their journeys. I had another girl from Vancouver Canada, known for its great climbing. Her abilities definitely reflected this. There were two other girls who were somewhat local. They knew and loved the park.
As we started to gear up suddenly my admiration for this incredible group of women turned into fear of my lack of expertise and ability. As our guides were reviewing safety with the group my head started spinning. Staring at the wall behind her I had no idea how I was going to get up it. There were no holds, there were no cracks, there was nothing. It was a completely flat wall going straight up and down. It made no sense to me. I had been put in the wrong group. I did not want to get on the wall. I didn’t even know how to get on the wall. I felt ill. I needed to sit down.
The first girl tied in and sent the route in just a few minutes. Then the next, and the next, and the next followed. Then it was just me who hadn’t tried yet. Everyone was very encouraging as I reminded them I had never outdoors climbed before. I walked up to the wall not sure where to put my hands or feet. No idea how these ladies had managed to Spidey stick to this wall. Then I did it. I don’t know how but I did. I was on the wall and moving up it. Hell, I was moving up it well. I pictured all those videos I’ve watched of Alex Honald. I tried to mimic the way he moved. Being meticulous with each movement. Gently testing each footing. Exploring every possible move before committing. Even though I had no idea what I was doing or how it was working, I made it to the top. They brought me back down and I was ready for the next route. I was in it now. We went route after route cheering on one another as we went, catching one another as we fell, celebrating each success and each failure. It was an amazing day in the outdoors.
I later learned that what we were doing was something called slab climbing. It is a form of climbing that you don’t see very much of in the gym. It is where you depend on the friction of the rock and your shoe to hold you up. The rough limestone of the wall was what allowed us to Spidey stick to it.
We went back to camp and pulled our mats around the fire for some yoga as the sun went down. I have not done a lot of yoga in my life. I’ve maybe attended three classes at random before coming out to Joshua Tree. What I loved about this yoga session was the reflective and meditative nature of it. I think being out in the desert only heightened the spiritual elements of the practice. I reflected on the day and was quickly overcome with emotion. It had been a long time since I had taken a pause. I was in an
unsustainable state of go and had not taken the time to notice changes happening in my life and the changes happening within me. Why didn’t I believe I could get up that wall? Where else in my life have I been selling myself short? I made a commitment to myself in those moments that I would do this no longer. I don’t know when I started telling myself this narrative but I would tell it no longer. The narrative of I am not as talented as the people I surround myself with. I don’t belong in this group. I am a fraud pretending to be talented and capable and they will see through me. I am not worthy of the good things that have come my way. I cannot do this. Instead, I would tell myself that I am capable. I am talented. I belong in the room. I add value to the team. I earned my spot here. I can and I will do this, and I will do it well. This realization came to me in the context of climbing, but it was one I intended to apply to all areas of my life because this narrative did not just live in the climbing gym. It followed me everywhere I went and seeped into all areas of my life.I think my favorite thing about climbing is the way it can give you insight into yourself. This is just one of many realizations of self that have come to me through the practice of climbing.
Temperatures dropped dramatically as we crawled into our tents. Maddie and I ended up moving to our car halfway through the night. On day two my group would be climbing at a new part of the park. We did a short scramble to get to the wall. Scrambling might be one of my favorite activities. It’s hiking with an element of creative problem-solving. It’s like deciphering a maze. We climbed and swerved our way around boulders until we reached the wall. We didn’t even need to climb the wall the view from where we were standing was incredible. Our guide had gotten there early and already had the routes set for us. We put out our craig blankey, put our gear on, and jumped right into it. Today everyone was more comfortable with one another. There were no awkward pauses about who wanted to go next. We ran routes all afternoon. I did my first-ever crack climb. One girl let me borrow her gloves. I put them on backwards, really emphasizing the fact that I had no idea what I was doing. It’s so crazy to me how each form of climbing feels entirely different. This one scared me. I liked it, but it scared me. The idea of it is to jam your hands and toes into the crack and get them stuck then push off your stuck limbs with all your strength to get yourself up the wall. The feeling of having your appendages wedged into a wall was a new one for me. I made my way up slowly. My belayer made sure there was absolutely no slack in the rope. I was grateful for that. It was a beautiful day out in the desert. Cold but sunny. Perfect for climbing. I could have stayed in that moment forever.
We did yoga around the fire that night as the sun set behind us. It was another meditative practice. As I worked on my breathing I began to tear up. I had been under a lot of stress in the weeks leading up to the trip. I had found myself in a position where my life was moving at a million miles per hour and I couldn’t keep up. I know this is a good problem to have. I had so many things to do and so many places to visit. I had jam-packed my schedule tighter than I jammed my hands and feet into that crack. It was too much in one year and it had caught up to me. I was exhausted. I wasn’t even enjoying the places I was visiting anymore. I hadn’t taken the time to decompress. I hadn’t had time for reflection in over a year. To be sitting on a yoga mat in the middle of the desert with nothing to do but breathe, it felt like I breathed out a year’s worth of stress and pressure. It was the first time I had stopped, really stopped, in a long time. I forgot how important it is. I sat there long after the meditation ended. I sat until I was ready to start moving again.
Everyone had started to warm up to one another and connections were being made. We huddled close around the campfire that night as we ate our dinner, passed bottles of wine, and shared stories of our own unique adventures from our vastly different worlds. It was the perfect evening.
I think climbing means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. In fact, I know climbing means a lot of different things to a lot of different people because I listened to fifty different women tell 50 completely different stories about the ways climbing impacted their lives. For me personally, it was a test of strength and a test of courage. What I love most about climbing is it forces you to push yourself outside of your comfort zone each and every time you get on the wall. You are always trying for something just outside of your reach. You are always growing. Your progress and growth are measurable. It is indisputable. You could not climb up this route yesterday and today you can. I am someone who works very very hard at everything I do. But not everything I work hard at has tangible progressions. Climbing grounded me. It was a constant reminder that hard work pays off. That I am growing and progressing in everything I am putting my energy into whether that is always visible or not.
For our last day at Joshua Tree, I decided to join my friend Madeline’s group. She was in the beginner group which meant easier routes and probably fewer reps but time with my friend was far more important than the level of climbing. Plus, I really do enjoy all climbing. It isn’t about the grade for me. It’s about being outside doing something you love. It was really fun to belay for Maddie and have her belay for me. There is a deep bond that exists between a climber and their belayer. How could there not be? Your life is quite literally in their hands. Maddie and I had been friends since the sixth grade. Our trust in one another was already there and undeniable. But I loved seeing the strength of our relationship at work as we hollered back and forth to one another. “I got you”, “I’m going to reach for it”, “catch me.”, “falling”, “on me”.
“On me” is my favorite of all the climbing commands. You yell out “on me” when you are belaying someone and they want to take a break. You are looking to your exhausted climber and telling them that they are free to put all of their weight and what they are carrying onto you. You are telling them that you will carry the load until they have the strength to keep going. You are letting them know that it is okay for them to let go.
Maddie and I climbed until noon and then we had to head for home. We both had red eyes to catch so we could get back to our jobs and routines on Monday. It was sad to part ways with Maddie and it was sad to leave Joshua Tree and all the wonderful women I met there. I had taken a lot away from my time there and I had grown so much from just a few days with those women. I was physically exhausted but I was returning more recharged than I had been in a long time.
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